Montecristo Platinum Toro

It was a cold night in Louisville. I stepped outside to enjoy a well touted Montecristo Platinum Toro, wondering to myself "Self, I wonder if there's anything to this cigar, or if it's merely the sort of thing that posers pick up because of a certain combination of brand name, and flashy label." (Editor: "Self, review applications more thoroughly in the future, before just hiring any moron with a typing hand who walks through the door. Sincerely, Joe Editor (you)" )

Little did I know that in less than 24 hours, I'd be dead.

Ok, not dead, just stranded in Kentucky with a bad alternator.

Which is pretty much the same thing. (Editor: You jerk, you got my hopes up.)

As I lit the cigar, I wasn't impressed with the draw. It was alright, but nothing to write home about.

In a completely obvious statement, the cigar began with strong tobbacco notes, but a third of the way in, what I could only describe as mulled spices began to take over. Prior to this point, I really wasn't feeling any love for this smoke. It was cold, and at this point (about 30 minutes in) I really considered dousing the thing and heading inside.

As I said, once I hit the 1/3 mark, savory tones began to creep in, with those same mulled spices. Halfway through, it took on an eggy savoriness (a strange description, I'm sure, but it was something that really struck me - it was something akin to well peppered scrambled eggs, and certainly wasn't unpleasant). (Editor: OK, so your cigar tasted like eggs, and you figured - "Hey, what the hell, let's keep it going"? Well let me give you a little hint. If it starts tasting like spoiled milk, just toss it. ) Two-thirds through, nutty tones begin to take over, and remained until the literal bitter end - as enjoying as the ride was, the cigar finished on a terribly bitter note before I pitched it.

Overall I enjoyed the smoke - it was far more complex than I expected, and when it really took off, the flavors and warmth were enough to keep me outside in the cold long enough to see it to the end.

There were some drawbacks - a boring first first third, a very bitter end, and less than ideal draw hold this cigar back from an 8, and firmly plant it as a 7.


Montecristo Platinum Toro
Size: Toro (6" x 50 ring)
Taste: Medium
Draw: Ok
Burn: Fairly Even, minor touchup required.
Flavors: Complex, mulled spices, savory and nutty tones.
Overall Rating:

El Rey del Mundo (Hon) Robusto Larga

You know what would be cool? *Pause for response* It would be cool if I could smoke cigars in my office. I think I would immediately be the guy in charge. That's probably why it's not allowed. (Editor: The thought of you in charge has permanently dented my brain.)

A smoked this cigar about a week or so ago at Amras. It was a nice place. The staff was really good but the drinks were a tad pricey. We sat outside and some homeless guy walking by asked us for money. He had some story that was more or less the same story you always hear from a homeless guy asking for money. The waiter was nice and stepped in and took care of it. (Editor: OK, now let's hear the true story. There was no homeless guy, was there? It was you. Smelling of urine and failure. AGAIN.)

The cigar I smoked was not homeless however. I gave it a good home until that day. (Did you see that transition? One of the best of all time. I'll probably go to the transition hall of fame) This El rey del mundo looked really nice. The first cigar I ever smoked that came wrapped in tissue paper. It was not a maduro but had a dark oily wrapper as if it were. The cigar felt solid like it was made out of wood. The burn was even and consistent.

The first third of the cigar was peppery with hints of chocolate and leather. Hints is not really the right word. There was more than just hints but the pepper was the strongest flavor. The second third of the cigar was great. All the flavors came together well. This cigar may not have been really complex but the flavors were stood out. Chocolate, coffee, pepper, and leather were all there in abundance. (Editor: Speaking of leather in abundance, can you stop sending me pictures from your "experimenting" in college? Please?) The last third of the cigar I remember being more peppery like first third but not overpowering.

One of the best things about this cigar is the price. $3 is all that it cost and I don't think you would be disappointed if you paid twice or three times that. We should have some bargain seal of approval. Best cigars under $5 or something. Anyway, gets a great bargain seal of approval. I think the seal should have a cigar taking money from it's mom's purse with a slash through it. OR a homeless guy smoking a $50 dollar cigar with a slash through it. (Tied in homeless people again) Ok, we'll discuss the seal design more later.

El Rey del Mundo (Hon)
Size: Robusto Larga (6" x 54 ring)
Taste: Medium
Draw: Good
Burn: Even and consistent
Flavors: Chocolate, Pepper, Coffee, leather
Overall Rating: A smoke good enough to make you forget all about that perm you just got

Mayorga Robusto Maduro

This week's review is brought to you by the letters T, G, and the number 8. But that no-good deadbeat Number 6 totally owes us money. I'm gonna break your knees, you bastard! Hmm..does a number have knees? Maybe I'll break his loop at the bottom of the 6. (Editor: My god you waste a lot of my time.)

I was at the J&R Cigars store in Burlington, NC, last week, and picked up a couple singles. I got an AVO Maduro, a couple RyJ Reserve Maduros, and an Upmann Vintage Cameroon. As I was trying to choose another cigar, the woman at the counter recommended this Mayorga Robusto Maduro. I'll be honest, I thought she was trying to foist some crap off on me that didn't sell well. The cheapo-looking band only enhanced my suspicion. But she seemed decent enough, and I liked the color of the cigar itself, so I got it. Plus, it was really cheap (around $2.75). (Editor's Cat: awsdfadxccacaaaaacgfffffffffcuhuhnnmiopo,.-=0-09o09op)

Wow, what a fantastic smoke. The wrapper was a beautiful mottled black-brown, box-pressed, and smelled great. The draw was the best I have ever experienced, just huge clouds of smoke. The burn started to tunnel a couple times and needed a touchup or two, but nothing serious. (Editor's Cat: ,.njmm.,njm,.mhjjuholkkndjklnlnujlsnfdvnlsfvnnvnjvsnklnlllnlllnlnnllnlnnlnlllnl)

It had a great strong taste, starting with some spicy flavor, along with a charred earthy taste that wasn't unpleasant (even though charred earth sounds nasty), and then progressed to a coffee flavor. The end was sweeter, maybe a little chocolate to it. I smoked this down to the nub, and will definitely get some more - especially at around $40 per box. (Editor: GET AWAY FROM THAT!)

(Editor's Cat: xxa nbm.)


Mayorga Robusto Maduro
Size: Robusto (5.5" x 52 ring)
Taste: Wild
Draw: The best I've had
Burn: Decent, needed a few touchups
Flavors: Charred, earthy flavor becomes coffee and chocolate.
Overall Rating:
May become my weapon of choice.

Fonseca (Dominican) 5-50

I had a long week, so I was looking forward to a cigar-riffic weekend, and it delivered. I won't say why I had such a long week, but I will give you a hint. It involved a rodeo clown, my half-sister's inheritance, and a very confused Mexican politician.

We have been having a nice warm spell here in NC, and it seems like every night of the weekend is a great one for a cigar. So it was time to grab a glass of Bulleit bourbon and a book, and hit the porch.

I have been going through my CI sampler one by one, and I am down to the last couple. So I decided to grab the Fonseca 5-50. To be honest, I wasn't expecting a ton from this cigar, as it just radiated an air of blandness. Well, that initial impression was perfectly correct.

This thing did absolutely NOTHING for me. I couldn't put a name to the taste, other than tobacco. It was boring boring boring, the draw was mediocre, and I put it out halfway through. This cigar is like making out with an ugly girl - it's better than nothing, but you won't feel good about it.

The only big plus I can give this cigar is that it didn't taste bad. It just tasted like air. A pretty weak showing. Take THAT, Fonseca company!

Fonseca (DR) 5-50
Size: Toro (5" x 50 ring)
Taste: Mild
Draw: A little tight
Burn: Decent
Flavors: Nothing.
Overall Rating:
CUT. IT. OUT.

Cohiba (Dominican) Churchill

Today's bit of wisdom: If someone offers you a great deal on used pizza, walk away. That is all.

I met Curt for a Manhattan (Makers) and a couple cigars at a different cigar bar than the one we normally frequent. This one was called Amra's, and it was a really nice place. Super chill, with big leather couches and little separated areas around a huge bar.

Since it was 65+ degrees out, we sat on the patio, which was great. Unfortunately, we then got harassed by several homeless guys who were wandering down the street. I think its impossible to smoke a churchill-sized cigar and have someone believe that you don't have any money to give them. But on the plus side, the waiter kindly but firmly told all the guys to get the hell out, which was cool. (Editor: Nick enjoys his men kind but firm...) Anyhow, onto the Cohiba.

I recieved this cigar as a gift from a fellow cigar smoker on a message board that I post on. It was an amazingly generous gift, and I have been looking forward to this cigar for a while. He said he had aged it over a year, and then it aged in my humi for 5+ months, so I was expecting big things. (Editor: Nick's wife did not have the same expectations about him)



However, this is a difficult cigar for me to review. I really enjoyed the smoke thoroughly, but then again it was a gift. If I had paid the ridiculous price for this cigar ($15+), I would not be happy. Its flavors were all smooth and pleasant, but there were no flavors that really jumped and made you say "wow". I would probably best describe it as a cedar taste, maybe a little nutty flavor. It didn't change much over the course of the smoke, which is too bad, since that is the main appeal of a churchill to me.

So I am going to have to give this cigar a low rating, because I wouldn't buy it again. However, as a freebie it was amazing. (Editor: Your Mom was similarly reviewed) So keep that in mind as I tell this DR Cohiba that I've had the time of my life. (Editor: Did you paste Patrick Swayze's face on a cigar again?)

Cohiba (DR) Churchill
Size: Churchill (7" x 49 ring)
Taste: Medium-Mild
Draw: Good
Burn: Even and consistent
Flavors: Cedar with a little nut
Overall Rating:
Bad deal for the money but great smooth flavors make this a cigar for the Road House.